As the days pass since I became a single person, I have reevaluated the people in my life and tried to choose quality over quantity. It’s interesting how certain people fade away when times get hard, but equally as interesting, new people appear. Good people. Solid people.
And, in my life, I have enjoyed the days where I sit back and enjoy the time alone. I love the silence. I love to sit and read and feel no obligation to do anything. It recharges my batteries. Because the next day there will be kids and schedules and juggling everything. So, my advice is to make silence a priority. Find peace in it.
But, one of the things that gives me peace is knowing that I have people at the ready if I need them. It’s easy to say, “hey, I’m hanging out with my dog tonight” when you have that safety net. Choosing to be alone is good, feeling lonely is not and they are very different things.
Once my marriage ended, my overwhelming feeling was loneliness. When I didn’t have my kids and my house was empty, I couldn’t stand it. I found a million things to do, just so I didn’t have to sit and feel the pressure of the solitude. And, for some, that feeling lasts and lasts, and that is so scary. It’s so important to look at your environment and find out where you can lend an ear, or a hand, or a thought. Volunteer. Join a support group. (Might I recommend ReBuilders?). Get a job…a different job. Become active in your church. Theres a million things out there and a million people who feel the same as you do.
When you feel like you don’t have a safety net, it is so much easier to fall. You need those hands out to support you and keep you up. Falling is easy. Wallowing is easier. It’s all easy. The hard part is getting up and getting out.
I have been blessed with some lifelong friends who would never drop me. My family, on the other hand, has had a rougher transition. Growing up in a family that doesn’t believe in divorce is tough. And, when we came to the agonizing decision to part ways, the hands weren’t there to catch me. The hands I expected. The hands I assumed would be out, were not. So, navigating the loss of a marriage and the loss of your expectations of how you think a family should react, is a lot of weight on your shoulders. It makes you question everything and even consider sacrificing your happiness just to have acceptance. And now, almost three years later, I am so happy that I fought for happiness. And, hopefully, the people who weren’t behaving as you wished they would, may come around and congratulate you on your strength. In a perfect world, that would happen. Because you are strong. Even on your worst days, you still take a breath. You still exist. You are here for a reason.
Find your safety net. It’s there. I promise.
