“The secret is to surrender to the flow”-
(As seen in the window of a boutique).
As I drove down our sweet ‘main street’, a boutique window caught my eye. Plastered all over the window were inspirational quotes but only one caught my eye.
“The secret is to surrender to the flow.”
That message stuck with me. It made me think. “Can I really surrender to the flow after all the pain and chaos I’ve been through?” It seems scary and out of control to just surrender, but I thought about it some more and decided I think we all can surrender and flow, but not without some careful thought on what that really means.
Many of us know the ‘flow’ we experience after losing someone close to us; it feels more like a hurricane or tornado. We feel like we may drown in pain or suffocate in grief and overwhelm. All of these are normal feelings and experiences during, and after, the loss of a relationship. That’s the flow we know. That’s the hurt we feel. And the thought of surrendering seems excruciating painful. Doesn’t surrender and flow indicate failure and defeat?
If we dig deeper in to the word ‘surrender’ it is probably safe to say that most of us associate that word with weakness. And, unfortunately, we have probably learned how to surrender to the wrong things or values. For example, many people -inside their relationships- learned to surrender their own identity, or maybe some independence, or the need and ability to communicate their needs safely, or to surrender the values and ideals that they grew up with, or their physical health, or even a career or place they enjoy living. All of these ‘surrender items’ come with a price and for many of us the price we paid to surrender was too high so why should we consider surrendering as we are learning to rebuild our new lives?
By definition, surrender means “cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority” (Webster’s Dictionary) Our ex-spouse can feel like the enemy or opponent and no one wants to surrender to their ex. This is where we must redefine the enemy or opponent as ourselves, we are the one thing that usually gets in our own way.
As we are rebuilding our lives it is time to look at flow as the authority, the rule to follow. Flow is the natural way of life. . . things die, the sun rises, water moves downhill, children leave home and relationships end. It’s just how it goes. To resist the flow can cause us more harm and suffering than necessary. It doesn’t mean we have to relish in the loss, but accepting that it has happened will give us that secret sauce to move forward. Flow means accepting what is, no matter what the circumstances are; whether we like it or not.
As you start-and continue- to rebuild your life after loss consider what you can surrender in a healthy way. Can you surrender your anger? (do you really need to carry it around every day?) Can you surrender your story? Can you surrender the idea of being a victim?
And how can you step into flow? Can you accept that it is over? That people are probably doing the best they can (even if it doesn’t seem like it.) Can you live with everything not being or looking perfect? Can you open yourself up to new possibilities? Relationships? Opportunities?
Take a minute today to see where you can allow more flow in your life and surrender to the idea that everything does work out.
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